just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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