Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
