I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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