chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
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