I look better un-naked...
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Randomize
