I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
