So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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