oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
