dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
