The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
