I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
