I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
