Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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