Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
