Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize
