i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
