she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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