She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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