this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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