took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
