i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
it was like eating out sand paper
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
