I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
