i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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