fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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