Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
If I had your ass I would rule the world
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
