glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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