I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
