forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
