I am in a vortex of obligation.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
You peed on a flamingo?!?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
