yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
