You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
