After last night, I could never be a politician.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
