it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
