god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
