they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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