never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
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