At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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