You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
