so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
