I'm lost and stupid without you.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
