There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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