Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
are you so shy because you have an std?
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Randomize
