party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
