I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
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