i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
