I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
