nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
so explain again why im purple
no
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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