Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
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