That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
