I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
