Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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