i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
