I'm drive I can fine osifer
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
