sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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