dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Randomize
